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“Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division; and from the antagonism between poor and rich means abstracting oneself from fundamental facts.”
Joseph Stalin
“...wie Stalin!”
―Hitler in the Original Bunker Scene
“Kinky!”
Joseph Stalin
“ I do not trade a lieutenant for a Marshal.”
―Ioseb Jugashvili

Iósif or Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin  (Russian: Ио́сиф Виссарио́нович Ста́лин; born Ioseb Besarionis Dze Jugashvili; 18 December 1878 – 5 March 1953) was a Soviet politician and head of state who served as the first General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union's Central Committee from 1922 until his death in 1953. After the death of Vladimir Lenin in 1924, Stalin rose to become the leader of the Soviet Union, which he ruled as a dictator.

He appeared in many parodies so far, and is one of the famous Soviet characters to appear after Eduard Khil. Most of his parody personification is taken from the Russian telefilm Tukhachevsky, Conspiracy Marshal discovered by Benad361.

In the Downfall Parody Universe

Stalin is mentioned once in Downfall: during the Original Bunker Scene, Hitler screams:

"Ich hätte gut daran getan, vor Jahren alle höheren Offizieren liquiedieren zulassen, wie Stalin!"
(I would have done a good deed if years ago, I would have eliminated all senior officers, like Stalin!)

In the Downfall parody universe, Stalin often appears with him making a speech, and it of course - involved Hitler and Fegelein.

In later parodies made using the Russian Tukhachevsky, Conspiracy Marshal telefilm, Stalin has his own crew as Hitler does. He seems to have several answers to Hitler's crew, such as Nikolai Yezhov, his vicious diminutive secret police chief to inform him (albeit much shorter than Günsche), Mikhail Tukhachevsky, a Marshal in the Red Army and his Antic Commissar answer to Fegelein, Marshal Budyonny, his answer to Grawitz, etc. These Stalin Parodies featuring Stalin's crew are the brainchild of Unterganger Benad361.

Stalin may be the counterpart or even antithesis of Adolf Hitler. Yes, he's a dictator who may fall into bouts of anger, but unlike Hitler, a bipolar mess who rants to absolutely everyone and everything and uses excessive profanity and hate speech, Stalin's reprimands are much more restrained, and directed mostly to one person (such as Tukhachevsky, whom he somewhat personally dislikes) rather than to everyone as a whole. He tends to speak slowly and carefully and ranting seems to be used as his last resort, or to emphasize a point he feels strongly about. Generally, while Hitler is brimming with emotion and fuming with anger, Stalin is bitingly sardonic. When things are going his way Stalin is "affably evil", but even in the face of bad news he retains a sarcastic gallows humor. The exemplary case is when in October 1941, Army Commisar Stepanov called Stalin from the frontline, to tell him the Red Army was being overwhelmed by the Nazis and that he recommended retreating what men they could to the east of Moscow, abandoning the city. After a long silence, Stalin calmly said, "Ask the comrades if they have any spades". Sepanov asked the military commanders around him, and he replied to Stalin, "Yes, we do have spades. What should we do with them?". Stalin then matter-of-factually responded, "Tell your comrades that they should take their spades and DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES. We will not leave Moscow." Stalin then hung up, and stayed in Moscow as well.

Because Stalin seems too "stoic" compared to Hitler and keeps his cool, and Hitler keeps mentioning his name in the Original Bunker Scene just like Fegelein, it's theorised he might be an Antic practicioner as well, collaborating to make Hitler's lives even more miserable (e.g. Stalingrad, where Hitler's most elite supersoldiers got owned by Stalin's winter, forever changing the course of the War)

He also took part in the failed antic conference held by Tukhachevsky (in an attempt to foster some parody unity due to the growing threat of war with the newly emerged Antonescu Parodies). When Fegelein attacks and a window in the Antic Jet they are travelling on is smashed open, he is one of the dictators to be sucked out into the atmosphere by the collapse of the air pressure (however he does manage to hold on for much longer than several others did). If he survived (which is likely, given his tenacity) then Tukhachevsky can probably expect severe punishment at some point in the future, for what Stalin will perceive as his failure.

When Hitler reminisces on his last summer holiday (to Skull Island) in August of 2011, it is revealed that Stalin was one of those accompanying Hitler, Ceausescu, Mallory and others, as it was an attempt to reconcile hostilities between the main parody crews in the Parody Universe and foster reconciliation. However it fails, and the adventurers are forced to flee from stampeding Apatosaurus, chased by Venatosaurs, and so on. Stalin is among them, and is seen diving along a collapsing cliff alongside the Apatosaurus, declaring that he wishes he had established the "Dino-Gulag" all along.

In Benad361's Rosen Wars: Revenge of the Plamz parody series, he was the head of the Free Parody Universe Alliance fighting against Michael Rosen's new order (even going so far as to try and assassinate him) , until his escape ship was obliterated in Episode 4, killing him instantly. However, in his will, he made Tukhachevsky the head of the alliance in his stead.

Stalin is also shown to have once pulled an antic on Hitler at some point - shooting him with a pistol as he took out his rubbish.

Trivia

  • One of Stalin's most known quotes, "The death of a man is a tragedy, the death of a millions, statistics" is said to be told by Stalin to Churchill during the Teheran meeting, when they discussed opening a second front in France, and it is first mentioned in the book The Time of Stalin: Portrait of Tyranny, by Anton Antonov-Ovseyenko : "Churchill had been arguing that a premature opening of a second front in France would result in an unjustified loss of tens of thousands of Allied soldiers. Stalin responded that 'when one man dies it is a tragedy, when thousands die it's statistics'".
    • This quotation probably came from Französischer Witz by Kurt Tucholsky (1932):
      "Darauf sagt ein Diplomat vom Quai d’Orsay: Der Krieg? Ich kann das nicht so schrecklich finden! Der Tod eines Menschen: das ist eine Katastrophe. Hunderttausend Tote: das ist eine Statistik!"
      (At which a diplomat from France replies: 'The war? I can't find it too terrible! The death of one man: that is a catastrophe. One hundred thousand deaths: that is a statistic!')
      • But the quote has been tracked back to Erich Maria Remarque's The Black Obelisk
  • He organized bank robberies in Georgia before the revolution
  • Stalin was also the man behind the most wicked practical joke ever played. Being a very private man he gave the order that no person should enter his bed chambers [missing content here] pain of death. Later, while in his chambers he decided to test whether his guards had listened to this instruction. Pretending to scream in pain he called for the guards stationed outside the door. Fearing that their leader was in trouble the guards burst into the room. Stalin had them executed for failing to follow his standing orders. This little prank soon backfired, however, when Stalin suffered a seizure while alone in his bedroom. The guards were too afraid to enter, finding him hours later laid in a puddle of stale urine. He died three days later.
  • His title, the "Leader of the Peoples", translates exactly as "Führer".

Portrayal in the media

  • Eugene Dynarski in C&C Red Alert.
  • Aleksandr Pavlov in The Founding of a Republic.
  • Dzivayev Anatoliy Gavrilovich in Tukhachevsky, Conspiracy Marshal
  • Al Ruscio in War and Remembrance.

Gallery

In Films / Spoofs

In Real Life

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